This is the place Satan wants us. The more discouraged we are, the less effective we are. In fact,we aren't effective at all. I find myself on a downward spiral, going further and further. I feel like the things I'm thinking are truth, but when I stop and think, I realize...it's lies.
You're never gonna get it right. All you do is slave, slave, slave away and no one helps ever. You start speaking in absolutes. Everything is always awful,and never good. More lies.
The Father of Lies wants us to believe him. He wants us to think he's right.
"I will lift up my eyes to the hills where my help comes from. My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth."Have you ever really thought about that? He raised the dead to life and caused the blind to see. He fed thousands of people from one small basket of food and had twelve large baskets left over. He created the universe.
And He cares about the tiniest sparrow and knows when one falls to the ground, how much more, Jesus asks, will He care for us?
I have found the need to stand up and think thoughts of truth. I am nothing in and of myself, but in Christ, I am a daughter of the King. I can choose to gripe about my lot in life, as a mother, and pass that discontent onto my children. Or I can choose to joyfully take up the task and serve my beloved family.
Whichever way I choose determines the way that my children will think that I see them. Griping will make them realize they are just a hassle and the cause of all my problems. Serving with joy will allow them to see that I love them and they are a welcome part of our family.
And that is where I left the post last night. I climbed into bed and hot tears dripping down my face, I shared with my husband the struggle it's been lately. I shared that I have to go to the orthodontist in a town 1/2 hour away and take two babies and one five-year old and the one who needs to go.... AND.... and I'm already super tired. How will I be able to handle it, even if I am trying to do what's right?
My husband, lovingly and kindly, took me in his arms and shared with me some precious truths. Some things I hadn't even thought of. He said it's about believing God. Such a simple statement and full, as I look at the struggle I face. Am I believing that God has this for me and it's in my best interest? Uh, I'm sure not acting like it.
The other thing he said pertained to my last question - How will I be able to handle it, even if I am trying to do what's right? He said, "It seems to me that if you're walking in the flesh (trying to do it in your own strength) that yes, it would be harder; but if you're walking in the Spirit, it won't be harder, just because you're exhausted - it will be the same." You know, I think he's right. I have to think on that a bit more.
God has given us everything for life and godliness - that's in Peter. So if that's true then we need nothing more to handle the situations of life. Paul and Silas singing in a jail with their backs laid bare with wounds and bleeding. I'm pretty sure that they were tired - try sleeping with your hands and feet in chains. I guess I don't have too much to complain about.
Also I think of two women that I have known in my life - one briefly so I'm purely guessing about her, and one that I sat at the feet of and was discipled by - my mother.
The first had MS and was in a wheelchair when I met her. I didn't get a chance to know her well, but I'm pretty sure that her children were still in school then. She couldn't serve them in the ways she wanted to - as a "normal" mother does.
My brother had just started high school when my mom got sick. She may have been able to do some for him at the beginning, but toward the end, my dad was the keeper of the home. I know that even though she couldn't serve with her hands, she was always listening and giving of her time.
But I know in her heart she was wishing she could do the dishes and the laundry for her family - all of those things that I grumble about doing. Soooo it's all about perspective, and the grass is always greener. But I don't want to be like that. I want to serve with joy - and I don't think that means that I have to love doing the dishes, but just that I'm thinking of serving the Lord while I do it. In the end, I think I may end up loving it. :)
Making the most of today
Day 24 - through Exodus 22 - I can see that I've been like the children of Israel grumbling about my lot in life. And just starting Esther 9