This last week and month, I've been reading my e-mails from FLYLady. Some of the e-mails don't pertain to things I'm struggling with but I find encouragement there to keep pressing on. www.flylady.com is a site that I use for help with housekeeping. When I'm using it, it helps a lot.
She's been talking lately about being a martyr. I know a lot about that. Often I can be found in the kitchen grumbling out loud or in my heart about all that I have to do and no one is really helping and if I have to tell them then it's not service from their heart. Wait, what????? I'd have to say if I'm grumbling then it's not service from my heart either.
Yesterday, I woke up to a sort-of clean but mostly dirty kitchen. I had been gone till everyone was in bed last night. I knew that I was doing the wrong thing by complaining, but I was grumbling about how I have to pay if I ever leave the house. Consequences of a night at guild.
I even grumbled to my husband about it. He told me that they had done the dishes but the dishes on the counter were rejects. They hadn't just left it all for me. I should have known better. My man likes having the dishes done and there is no way he would have just let it get skipped.
There are days when I get it. When I realize that I cannot let my happiness be determined by whether or not a child does his chores willingly, or not at all. There are days when I am willing to bend over backward for my family, to be the kind of mom that I envision is a good mom, but that's not most days.
When my child complains "He dried only 5 dishes and I dried 10." I am so tempted to reveal the fact that, "Hey, I cooked, I'm washing the dishes, and then I'll probably end up helping you dry." At the times when I do that, they look at me like I'm an alien from another planet. Because they have that same super-mom in their head.
Not long ago, as the above scenario was playing out in my kitchen AGAIN. A thought came, I believe it was the Lord gently admonishing, "You are the mom, they are the child. When you were the child, you did not have the weight of running a household on your shoulders. Take the weight I give you and do not pass it on to your children. It is yours. Theirs is different."
Why do I lose the fact that serving my family is a privilege? I want it to be a joy. It's not when I get selfish and only think about my wants. I want to enjoy serving my family. I need to stop the grumbling in it's tracks and start being thankful.
It's rather interesting to me that last week's post was about being thankful and this week I had the most trouble with that.
Making the most of today
Today I read through Numbers 24 and Psalm 24 and Proverbs 10. Currently I'm working on Romans 1:31-32 for memory.