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Friday, November 8, 2013

Living the life

Yesterday, the Bible study gals were talking about Romans 7 and the life that we have in Christ and freedom we have to choose not to sin.  It was so exciting and fun to talk about the life we have in Christ - to know that warring against the flesh is actually a part of the walk.  I was on a high and loved discussing this with my friends. 

I came home to a quiet afternoon of memory work and a few other things.  Then I went to pick-up the kids and everything changed.  There was the chaos and loudness of "He took my seat!"  "He shoved me while I was getting in the van."  Somehow dealing with two-year olds is a whole lot easier. 

Dropping kids off at piano, and shopping with said two-year olds and a teenager who wants to make them happy.  Happy and goofy doesn't work in the store.  We have fun, but our norm works well when we don't have big kids.  Frustration is setting in. 

Babies are dropped off while we wait for piano kids to get done.  Then we pick the kids from piano up, one is sobbing because a book was forgotten and he got fewer reward points.  At this point,  I'm handling things o.k, but a bit more frustrated.

I had been working all week preparing for a weekend project that starts today (Friday) because my husband's self-employed stuff takes place on Fridays and Saturdays.  I "knew" we needed to get to the city (1 1/2 hours away) that night because we have missions conference all weekend.  But since he hadn't had time to look at the details that I had been calculating all week (my first time trying to  help him in this way), he wasn't ready.  Logically, it's totally understandable.  He also needed to talk with the owner a bit more to get an idea of his choices in the whole project.  But the frustration is climbing.

My big boys are home with homework done and there is so much to share.  This new journey of public school is hard for them.  They hear all kinds of language that we never use or generally hear and then they are blindsided by comments that are completely inappropriate.  So they seem to talk non-stop.  I feel the guilt weighing heavy as I just wish I could say, "I can't take any more." 

Younger ones need help studying, my littlest ones need snuggles, and I just want to find a place to hide.  And then I remember some words from my memory work earlier, "present your members as instruments of righteousness". 

That's all.  Just a few words.  And I remember how exciting I thought it would be to walk in the Spirit and to war against the flesh.  I knew it wouldn't be fun.  I mean after all warring is a battle and battles are never fun.  But the challenge.... I was up for it.  Yes, I was definitely ready.

24 hours later, I'm feeling battle worn.  Like Satan somehow got word that I was ready for a battle and threw everything he had at me.  I know that this discouragement isn't walking in the Spirit.  While my mouth stays closed (mostly), so I'm not spouting things that I shouldn't say, I'm still communicating, at least to my dear husband that all is NOT right with my world.   Somehow all we talked about yesterday is in the far distant past.

And then I heard it, right after I ran out the door, with my husband's questions about the project ringing in my ears, and coatless and lunchless and homeworkless kids jumping in the car so that they wouldn't be late for school.  I heard a song as soon as I turned on the radio.

You're the one who conquers giants
You're the one who calls out kings
You shut the mouths of lions
You tell the dead to breathe
You're the one who walks through fire
You take the orphan's hand
You are the one Messiah
You are I am
My favorite line - "You shut the mouths of lions" 
Hey, just yesterday a friend in our group had mentioned that we forget that we have God's power on our side.  Totally forgot that part.  But this song brought that back to the forefront of my mind.  And then, I'm believing God, trusting Him and forgetting about any strength I might have thought I had. 
After I got home and was still working on sending off my dear man on his project, and my boys' home from school and babies needing me, I got back into the frustration, but I remember the truths of this song and I'm back and ready to face the day. 
Chin up - God is on your side!!!!! Because of that, all things are possible.

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