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Friday, February 25, 2011

Running without weights

What a challenge to figure out what are weights and what are necessary parts for our running! Knowing that weights aren't necessarily bad things but could also be good things that I don't need to be doing doesn't help. If I could just say, well this is a bad thing (sin) so that's a weight it would be easier to figure out. I like Elizabeth George's philosophy about good, better, best, but guess what it takes some prayer to figure these things out. To me, that's hard work, but then very necessary.

And when my heart's desire is something that is different from my husband's that's hard work too. I can choose to let it come between us or I can choose to love him and choose the right thing, him. But I've been on my knees lately about that one too and I'm feeling battered, because I've chosen him and his decision for our family several times, even several times a day and yet if I think about my heart's desire at all, I start trying to figure out a way to make it work. Hmm, sounds like a weight that I don't need. Don't need to be figuring stuff out when we just talked a lot about "waiting" in Bible study.

Waiting is super hard - at least for me. Have you ever had to WAIT at the dentist's office? Silly question. It's agonizing. Seems to me waiting should be easy, after all what are you doing when you're waiting, probably nothing. Well, except maybe worrying, especially if it's the dentist's office, or waiting for the biopsy to come back. Isn't it hard to wait then? Our insides are churning and our heart and mind are consumed with that one thing. And He says, "Take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

You know, I think His burden is lighter. The burden and anxiety of wondering about the biopsy or fincancial burdens is our burden, His is easier, just rest in Me. He can say that because He knows what's best, He knows when is best. Really??? Cuz' I think best is NOW!!!!! And when I'm all consumed with I need to know NOW, am I practicing Philippians 4:4-8??? No, I'm not. I'm not rejoicing. I'm probably not gentle. I'm definitely anxious. I'm not commiting things to the Lord in prayer and with a thankful heart. I'm not thinking on truth, noble things, right things, pure things, or just things. I'm not thinking about excellent or praiseworthy things.

Lord, change my heart. I think that is my constant prayer for I always fall short of where I should be. But I'm so thankful that You don't just look at that. Just as a father doesn't wonder why his one-year old isn't running, but excited for the growth of the first step.

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